Goth Subculture and the newbie problem

Goth Subculture and the newbie problem

by Norma Alvazaz (aka Lady of Sorrows).

Originally published in Dark Faerie Subculture Magazine on April 2012
http://issuu.com/darkfaerysubculture/docs/dfsm-april-2012

We all want to be accepted; it’s a fact of life for all human beings. What we share in common in the Goth subculture is that fact that most of us were outcasts while we were growing up and we were often picked on in school. That brings me to one of the biggest ironies in our scene; some of us after having become accepted members forget what it was like to be an outcast, “the freak” or “the weirdo”. So in turn we look down upon new arrivals to the Goth scene and we start treating newbies as outcasts. Some of us go as far as to be rude to them and start calling them derogatory names, accusing them of not being “Goth enough” or just plain treating them like they shouldn’t even be around us. Now I do understand that many of us are socially awkward and we do not mean to be unwelcoming to others. We may be shy or not even realize what we are doing is unwelcoming behavior.

But I know that’s not the case for everyone. Some of us like to automatically be distrusting of others. Or perhaps we automatically despise people that may at one time have said something that could have been taken as a put down of our scene but now they “dare want to be part of the same scene they spoke against”. This is a very big problem and I believe it needs to be addressed. I know some of you may be nervous and be distrustful of the actions of men who enter the scene solely to “pick up on Goth chicks”. In that case that would be okay to be distrusting. But to treat everybody automatically as having an ulterior motive is frankly very paranoid and not good for our scene.

I am aware that we can’t be accepting of everybody that shows up at clubs. In doing so, we would lower our standards and our subculture will cease to exist because we will “become like everybody else”. *However* let’s be more welcoming and friendly towards people who are clearly making efforts to belong to our subculture. It doesn’t hurt us to say “hi” to a new person at a club or Goth social gathering. Let us not get snotty when someone new “gets it all wrong”. Being Goth is not like a ultra secret organization that we have to get initiated into. Be a bit more patient and encouraging with newbies that are in no way being rude or condescending towards us. Does it really hurt to give a little gentle instruction? And if it’s been a long time and the person who once said something against our scene is now taking an initiative and making strides to be contributing members to our scene – let’s forgive and forget. Why are we hanging on to negative thoughts? Is it truly good for us to do that?

Remember we aren’t all perfect and we definitely aren’t strictly “Gothic” 24/7 no matter how much we claim we are -- seriously! Let us treat others with the same respect as we wish others to treat us as. Let us not be the asshole(s) that ruined it for us back in high school. We are better people than they are. It is truly wonderful to see people grow and become contributing members to the scene. I have been a member of the Orange County Goth Meetup group (located in Southern California) for many years now. I was welcomed into the group several years ago despite having “some of it wrong” in the beginning. In turn while attending Meetups regularly, I always made an effort to extend the same hospitality to others that I was given. I hope this has gotten you to think. Even if you may/may not disagree with me. ;)

Make Your Own Custom Mad Hatter Top Hat!

DIY MAD HATTER HAT PATTERNS PHASE ONE COMPLETE WITH INSTRUCTIONS

Goth Boyfriend/Girlfriend Application (humor)

A Goth Couple at Whitby Goth Weekend.
Taken by Alan Johnson on June 9, 2007

Goth Boyfriend/Girlfriend Application
Originally written on May 10, 2007. Updated on March 12, 2014.

Basic Information

1. Your Name (Title optional):
2. Your Age in Mortal Years:
3. Height (Platforms not included):
4. Fave Color Other Than Black:
5. What's your sign?: 
6. Blood type?:
7. Phone Number:
8. Are you polyamorous?:
9. Hair color this month:
10. Favorite Fetish:
11. Favorite Club:
12. Hair style (or bald?):
13. Piercings/tattoos:
14. Safeword?:
15. Pagan (Yes/No).... (If Yes) Pantheon?:
    Left or Right Hand Path:

Here comes the fun!

1. Are we friends?:
2. Do you have a crush on me?:
3. Would you kiss me?:
4. Would you tie me up?:    Would you enjoy it?:
5. Would you let me spank you?:
6. Would you let me whip you?:
7. Would you ever ask me out?:
8. Would you go to a picnic in a cemetery with me?:
9. Would you go down on me in a movie theater or let me do the same to you?:
10. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?:
11. Would you make me your slave?:
12. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?:
13. Would you make passionate love to me in a coffin?:
14. Would you walk on the beach with me at 3am?:
15. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?:
16. Would you share my makeup with me?:
17. Would you wear my clothes?:
18. Do you like Christian Death, or Bauhaus -- How about Siouxsie?:
19. Or do you prefer Skinny Puppy, or Combichrist -- How about Wumpscut?:
20. Are you a Numanoid?:
21. Do you think I'm a good person or am I better as a naughty one?:
22. Do you think I look sexy in a corset?:
23. Do you think I look sexy in a deathhawk?:
24. Would you go to a ritual with me?:
25. Do you think I'm cute?:
26. Do you think I'm cute in fangs?:
27. If you could change anything about me - would you?:
28. Would you dance with me? Even if everyone dances alone?:
29. Would you come over to my place just to hang out?:
30. Would you stay at my place and watch vampire (or monster movies) all weekend?:
31. Who's the better poet: Lord Byron or Edgar Allan Poe?:
32. Do you like reading Tarot?: 
33. What's your opinion on magick?:

What Do You Think Of My?

1. Personality:
2. Eyes: 
3. Eyeliner:
4. Face:
5. Hair or lack of:
6. Fangs:
7. Chains:
8. Hearse:
9. Pet Snake/Tarantula:
10. Ankh:
11. Jack Skellington tattoo:
12. French, German or Japanese:
13. Flogger:

Would You?

1. Give me your phone number?:
2. Drive me somewhere?:
3. Hug me?:
4. Write or read me a poem?:
5. Let me blind-fold you?:
6. Do what I want you to do *when* I want you to do it; or else you'll have to get punished (and like it)?:
7. Watch a movie with me?:
8. Take me out to dinner?:
9. Watch me on a webcam while I'm taking a shower?:
10. Go with me to Bats Day or Convergence?:
11. Pour candle wax or rub ice all over my body?:
12. Drink absinthe with me?:
13. Sit and gaze at the moon and stars with me?:
14. Take me home to meet your family even if they couldn't tell us apart?:
15. Would you let me sleep in your bed after you untie me?:
16. Go to a haunted place with me?:
17. Share makeup or clothes with me?:
18. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?:
19. Drive me home from a club when my "friends" left without me?:
20. Take me for a ride in your hearse?:
21. Sing in a hearse with me?:

Do You...

1. Think I'm cute?:
2. Like my penciled eyebrows?:
3. Think my eyeliner is thick enough?:
4. Think I look better in blood-red or black lipstick? How about silver or even blue?:
5. Admire my pallor?:
6. Want to cuddle with me?:
7. Like my hair falls or Betty Page bangs?:
8. Like my dungeon decor?:
9. Like my corset?:
10. Think cybernetics is cool?:
11. Like my gas mask...how about goggles?:
12. Think I look good in anything made out of PVC?:
13. Like me in black velvet?:
14. Like my velvet cloak?:
15. Like my cobweb stockings?:
16. Like my pointy black boots?:

Am I...

1. Fun when I'm sober?:
2. Cute in electric tape?:
3. Cute in a naughty nun or nurse's outfit?:
4. Sarcastic enough for you?:
5. Goth enough?:
6. Intelligent enough for you to want to have a conversation with me?:
7. Interesting to talk to...even if I'm drunk?:

Have You Ever...

1. Thought there might be an "US"?:
2. Wished that you were Gomez and I was Morticia Adams? How about Jack and Sally? (vice versa):
3. Found yourself wanting to wear my boots? What about skirts?:
4. Wished I were there? Wished I were there taking photos of you au naturel?:
5. Thought about having a threesome with me?:

Book Review for the "Me and My Friend Maddie" series by Robert Tomoguchi

A couple years ago I discovered the first book in the wonderful series, "Goth Girls Don’t Taste like Chicken". Of course the first thing that grabbed me about this book was the title. So I found it online for Kindle and started reading. I fell in love right from the start. This book is clever, funny, and very easy to relate to. I absolutely love the un-named character Maddie's BFF. He is comical and a very entertaining character. Maddie is someone I admire smart, funny, and always knows how to handle a situation. These characters together make this first book absolutely wonderful.

The second book “So This Bitch” focuses on a new girl coming between Maddie and her BFF and the jealousy and drama that ensue. I like this book because I am able to relate to the character of Gloom Dollie. Being new to the Goth scene can be intimidating and scary; making friends can be difficult. Luckily, Gloom Dollie meets Maddie and her BFF. Although at first things are rocky between the three because of the jealousy the BFF feels towards Gloom Dollie they accept her and become friends. I love this one the most because of all of this knowing that although you have a BFF you can have many other BFFs and friends and still love that person just as much. It’s a beautiful lesson and a great story to learn that lesson from. I highly recommend to anyone who may be having the sort of problems Gloom Dollie faced or if you’re having the jealousy Maddie's BFF felt.

The third book, “A Goth Noob Picnic” in the Cemetery where DJ Dumbshit is buried takes a slightly more serious turn. In this book Maddie and her BFF meet a baby bat. They take him under their wing and soon learn that he is being bullied. Maddie's BFF takes action and stands up for him. However, later due to a mix up, he learns about notes where the baby bat had talked about suicide and hurting himself. This book really opens your eyes to this issue. It still has the same elements as the other books just a very important lesson is included.

I love all of these books and I highly recommend them to all Goths in the subculture you are sure to find great pleasure with all of them. The writer expresses himself very creatively and this is what keeps you reading. I found mine digitally on Amazon. However, you may also buy them in paperback.

I hope you enjoyed reading my review of these wonderful books.

Goth For Dummies (Humor)

The following is only humor. Humor pokes fun at everybody especially exploiting the stereotypes. Please keep that in mind.

Goth for Dummies 

First written on Nov. 13th, 2006

1. Don't act like you are more Goth than anybody when *all* you listen to is Death Metal/Black Metal (or other Metal bands). You'll piss off the real Goths! Stick around and learn from others then *perhaps* you'll gain acceptance.

2. Don't act miserable or depressed all the time. Nobody likes a whiny bitch -- that's what Emo is for!

3. A dark mindset does not make you Goth. Neither does being an outcast. Sorry to break it to you, you are just an outcast who happens to have dark thoughts.

4. Goths are intelligent, so please do yourself a favor and learn how to spell. NE1 will think UR stoopid if u dont. 

5. Do make an effort to get into some real Goth music. It will help other Goths avoid going to the hospital because of a busted gut.

6. Do not under any circumstance criticize an Elder Goth as not being Goth enough. Ironically *you* are being the wannabe by trying too hard!

7. You haven't heard all the music out there that's in the scene. So do yourself a favor and avoid looking stupid as you try to tell a DJ that accepted Goth bands aren't Goth. 

8. If your face looks like a chicken walked all over it before you go out to a club, don't be surprised if people make fun of you behind your back. Better yet, avoid any photographers if you don't want to be on anyone's bad makeup list!

9. Do not under any circumstance call the guy standing next to you that is wearing eyeliner, nail polish and a mini-skirt a sissy. You'll be on the floor crying for your mommy before you know it.

10. Do not under any circumstance try to pass off your pendant as a pentacle. We all know that it came from HIM!

11. If you got it flaunt it! (Unless you are an 'A' cup).