Social Media Causes You To Be More Isolated?

Written by Norma Alvazaz 

One thing that is controversial nowadays is the impact that social networking has had on our society. On the surface, it would appear as if it is making us more distant from one another. It has been accused of many things, from isolating people all the way up to breaking up marriages. Social media is often frowned upon by people that like to reminisce about how great it was in the “good old days” of no social media, in addition to the lack of internet access itself for the general public. Being someone that grew up without social media or the ability to go online in general, I could possibly very well be part of that group myself.  Experience has taught me differently, and it is my hope that you’ll be able to at least consider looking at social media in a different light.

First of all, there’s the problem of people seemingly preferring to go online than to socialize with friends in person. Some people tend to be more introverted by nature whether it was in the past, present, and still will be that way in the future. In the past these introverted people were the bookworms, the couch potatoes, and or the wallflowers (being part of activities, but preferring to be alone). In recent times, we can add the gamers as well - spending hours upon hours living more in virtual worlds than interacting with one another in addition to their families.

I personally feel that it was more difficult to be involved with people in the past. It would’ve been time consuming to find groups of people to socialize and the process wasn’t as simple as it is in recent times. Being somewhat of an introvert myself, I found ways to use social media to help me be more outgoing and connected with people. One of the most useful functions that I have found from social media is that it helps you learn who has more in common with you. It speeds up the process of weeding out people that you would’ve had to have spent a lot of time with just to find out you had nothing in common. Due to the online prescreening of friends, you stand a better chance of developing lasting friendships since you get to find out what people are all about due to their posts, chat sessions, along with any other type of online interactions. This makes it easier to find out who you are most compatible with and who would be the type of person that you would get along with the most.

Social media has existed for a while. We didn’t have Facebook like we do now about a decade ago, but we did have Meetup.com. About 11 years ago, I met some of my dearest friends through that site; we are still friends to this day. In present times I have moved on to meeting people through Facebook. I have also gotten in contact with former classmates and friends that I’d lost contact with. In a moment I will go into what my personal experiences have been with what is now the most popular social media service there is. You know it’s pretty popular when you have even “friended” your own mother.

For some months now I’ve lived here in Long Beach. I have utilized Facebook to help me meet people in my local area. It was easy for me to create a Facebook group and to go on to the existing groups that I’ve been a member of for years for the purpose of promoting my new group "LAC Goth Society" and inviting those members living in Southern California.  In my forum message I let people know that even though the group was centered in Long Beach anybody was welcome to join as long as they were willing to drive to the meet ups. When I had the first meeting, I wound up meeting people that I had previously friended online. This month we’ll be having our third meet up at a bowling alley. I have also used Facebook to create private groups for family members. We use those to broadcast messages, post family photos, and do whatever else activity we usually do on Facebook. We have also utilized events to invite everyone to family gatherings. However, if you aren’t tech savvy you can still browse your friends’ friends list and ask for advice from them to determine for yourself who worth spending time, who’s trustworthy, and above all safe to be around.

As mentioned before, social media can also help you get back in touch with relatives you had lost touch with for many years, perhaps even decades. About seven years ago, I was able to have a reunion with family members that I hadn’t seen in years. My aunt had mentioned that she had hired someone to help her find my brother and I to get back in contact with. I’m not sure how much that cost her, but what finally helped was when she went on Myspace in 2009 and found me there (after doing a search herself). We’ve been in touch ever since. I also keep in contact with relatives living outside of the US. In the past it would’ve been very expensive to call those family members. Even though international rates aren’t as expensive as they once were, being able to socialize online for free helps those that have to watch their budget.

In conclusion, I hope I have helped you see or perhaps even consider the value social media has in keeping us from becoming isolated. We will always have those with us that use technology for the “wrong purpose”, but we should not let that stop us from utilizing this useful tool. Social media is not as bad as it has been made out to be by some. It can have a positive influence on our lives if we let it. The naysayers have always rejected anything new – they rejected the telephone in years passed (for example). They will reject anything that they do not understand and call it “the right thing to do).  Later on they will realize how silly they were.

Goth Subculture and the newbie problem

Goth Subculture and the newbie problem

by Norma Alvazaz (aka Lady of Sorrows).

Originally published in Dark Faerie Subculture Magazine on April 2012
http://issuu.com/darkfaerysubculture/docs/dfsm-april-2012

We all want to be accepted; it’s a fact of life for all human beings. What we share in common in the Goth subculture is that fact that most of us were outcasts while we were growing up and we were often picked on in school. That brings me to one of the biggest ironies in our scene; some of us after having become accepted members forget what it was like to be an outcast, “the freak” or “the weirdo”. So in turn we look down upon new arrivals to the Goth scene and we start treating newbies as outcasts. Some of us go as far as to be rude to them and start calling them derogatory names, accusing them of not being “Goth enough” or just plain treating them like they shouldn’t even be around us. Now I do understand that many of us are socially awkward and we do not mean to be unwelcoming to others. We may be shy or not even realize what we are doing is unwelcoming behavior.

But I know that’s not the case for everyone. Some of us like to automatically be distrusting of others. Or perhaps we automatically despise people that may at one time have said something that could have been taken as a put down of our scene but now they “dare want to be part of the same scene they spoke against”. This is a very big problem and I believe it needs to be addressed. I know some of you may be nervous and be distrustful of the actions of men who enter the scene solely to “pick up on Goth chicks”. In that case that would be okay to be distrusting. But to treat everybody automatically as having an ulterior motive is frankly very paranoid and not good for our scene.

I am aware that we can’t be accepting of everybody that shows up at clubs. In doing so, we would lower our standards and our subculture will cease to exist because we will “become like everybody else”. *However* let’s be more welcoming and friendly towards people who are clearly making efforts to belong to our subculture. It doesn’t hurt us to say “hi” to a new person at a club or Goth social gathering. Let us not get snotty when someone new “gets it all wrong”. Being Goth is not like a ultra secret organization that we have to get initiated into. Be a bit more patient and encouraging with newbies that are in no way being rude or condescending towards us. Does it really hurt to give a little gentle instruction? And if it’s been a long time and the person who once said something against our scene is now taking an initiative and making strides to be contributing members to our scene – let’s forgive and forget. Why are we hanging on to negative thoughts? Is it truly good for us to do that?

Remember we aren’t all perfect and we definitely aren’t strictly “Gothic” 24/7 no matter how much we claim we are -- seriously! Let us treat others with the same respect as we wish others to treat us as. Let us not be the asshole(s) that ruined it for us back in high school. We are better people than they are. It is truly wonderful to see people grow and become contributing members to the scene. I have been a member of the Orange County Goth Meetup group (located in Southern California) for many years now. I was welcomed into the group several years ago despite having “some of it wrong” in the beginning. In turn while attending Meetups regularly, I always made an effort to extend the same hospitality to others that I was given. I hope this has gotten you to think. Even if you may/may not disagree with me. ;)

Anticipation or Delusion?

Anticipation or Delusion?

Written on January 27th 2008

As she sits and thinks and wonders what is going on

How things should be interpreted

Whether it's a sign, or not

Is it that which she so desperately desires?

She is timid, she doesn't know how to react.

She pretends like nothing is going on,

And tells herself that it's like that,

Her heart betrays her thoughts

She guards her heart ferociously,

She fears rejection if she is wrong,

Yet like a flood emotions burst forth

She can't stop thinking of what could be

If only she could be sure.

If something is budding,

She doesn't want to discourage,

But at the same time she fears,

The grim sting of rejection

All the while, she walks alone in the shadows

It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it.

Many parents hope that, as their children grow up, those children will cling to values their parents hold dear. This often includes social values, such as music and fashion choices. Children, being the free thinkers that they are, will also be influenced heavily by their friends. Sometimes, this leads to children gravitating toward styles that the parents see as "rebellious." As goths, we're very familiar with our parents being less than pleased with our choices.

"So are you only going to wear black now? All the time?"
"That music is so depressing! How do you even dance to it?"
"That makeup makes you look like you're dead."
"A long black dress and pointy boots? No son of mine's going out looking like that!"

Many of those same parents consoled themselves by chalking it up to teenage rebellion and saying to each other, "It's just a phase" before trying to fall asleep at night. And for many of the parents, regardless of what scene their children were into, they were correct. As soon as they were off to college, or wherever their urges to leave the nest led them, they molted from the trappings of their youth and emerged a few years later with a new understanding of the world and a desire to conform to social norms.

But some did not. Those same experiences reinforced the idea within them that they are different, and that their changes were endemic to their personalities, and not just a factor of teenage rebellion. Fortunately, we now live in a society where people aren't (usually) burned at the stake, literally or figuratively, just because they're different. Certainly some goths do have to "dumb down" their overall aesthetic for the sake of earning a paycheck, but their time off work is still their own. Some of us have worked our way into prominent positions in media and merchandise, and have started making products and entertainment for ourselves. We may be accused of "arrested development" because we still do things we enjoyed when we were young, but many of us have careers, mortgages, children, and other things that people widely use to describe "grown-ups."

But a curious thing has happened. We aged. No one saw it coming, but it happened. Now many cities have entire scenes of goths and death rockers who are in their 40s and even 50s. We still dress the part, play the old music, form bands and make new music. And we are not the first. There were the heavy-metalers before us and the rock-and-rollers before them. All of these were thought of as rebellious scenes designed to annoy parents, but continued on and have people still involved in those scenes well into their old age.

Where do we go from here? Simple: we keep doing what we've always done. There may come a day where it will be laughable that someone my age (whatever that age may be. 60? 70?) will still want to play in a band, but if we didn't stop in our youth when people were laughing, why would we stop now, or at any age? I fully expect to see concerts, fashion, and other creative endeavors from my peers, and hope to be doing so myself. Or maybe, if I should be lucky enough to live so long, I'll wake up on my 90th birthday, realize "This isn't me," and finally walk away from this childish, rebellious "phase." If not, I hope they play 45 Grave at my funeral. That music is so depressing. How do we even dance to it?

Life's Poetry #1

I wrote this poem and prose a long time ago. I thought I'd share them here once again in hope that someone could enjoy them. 

Life and Death

Written on April 1st, 2007

Death -- Who canst escape thee?

All who meet thee cease to be!

Thou art no respecter of persons.

All, small and great,

In time wilt meet their own fate.

Life -- Thou art there,

For only a moment so fair!

So precious, yet taken for granted,

Thou givest much, yet many run from thee.

Thy gifts -- If only thine children wouldst see!

Death -- Upon thine touch,

Thou asketh little, yet requireth much!

The soul, whither it goes,

Ultimately, no one knoweth!

Life -- Is all that we've got!

The Roller Coaster

Written on January 25, 2007

All is well,

The roller coaster slowly begins its upward journey,

Optimism, desire, creativity - dreams surge...

Moving along in heightened speed,

Euphoric feelings abound,

Trouble lingers, just around the corner...

Roller coaster, Can't stop now,

It must continue,

Like an addiction...

Over and over again it goes,

Nothing can stop it,

Cannot sense danger...

The roller coaster begins it descent slowly,

Bringing with it, lethargy and apathy,

Isolation lingers, it's the only way...

Down, down the slope it goes,

Fear, Sorrow, Hopelessness, and Pain,

The world comes crashing down...

Keeping always in remembrance,

How good it used to be,

Some sleep and some cease to exist...

For those who remain on this earth,

Once again the roller coaster starts,

WHO CAN STOP IT!

The Rose

Written on March 5th, 2007

(Nope it's not the one by Bete Midler. It was written about the duality of love; both its optimistic side and its dark side.)

Full of thorns, yet so fragile,

Tread gently, taking loving care,

While it flourishes by your hand.

See it yield its fragrant beauty!

Yet the rose abandoned,

Withers by neglect,

Petals blown away by the wind,

Till it is no more!