Goth Subculture and the newbie problem

Goth Subculture and the newbie problem

by Norma Alvazaz (aka Lady of Sorrows).

Originally published in Dark Faerie Subculture Magazine on April 2012
http://issuu.com/darkfaerysubculture/docs/dfsm-april-2012

We all want to be accepted; it’s a fact of life for all human beings. What we share in common in the Goth subculture is that fact that most of us were outcasts while we were growing up and we were often picked on in school. That brings me to one of the biggest ironies in our scene; some of us after having become accepted members forget what it was like to be an outcast, “the freak” or “the weirdo”. So in turn we look down upon new arrivals to the Goth scene and we start treating newbies as outcasts. Some of us go as far as to be rude to them and start calling them derogatory names, accusing them of not being “Goth enough” or just plain treating them like they shouldn’t even be around us. Now I do understand that many of us are socially awkward and we do not mean to be unwelcoming to others. We may be shy or not even realize what we are doing is unwelcoming behavior.

But I know that’s not the case for everyone. Some of us like to automatically be distrusting of others. Or perhaps we automatically despise people that may at one time have said something that could have been taken as a put down of our scene but now they “dare want to be part of the same scene they spoke against”. This is a very big problem and I believe it needs to be addressed. I know some of you may be nervous and be distrustful of the actions of men who enter the scene solely to “pick up on Goth chicks”. In that case that would be okay to be distrusting. But to treat everybody automatically as having an ulterior motive is frankly very paranoid and not good for our scene.

I am aware that we can’t be accepting of everybody that shows up at clubs. In doing so, we would lower our standards and our subculture will cease to exist because we will “become like everybody else”. *However* let’s be more welcoming and friendly towards people who are clearly making efforts to belong to our subculture. It doesn’t hurt us to say “hi” to a new person at a club or Goth social gathering. Let us not get snotty when someone new “gets it all wrong”. Being Goth is not like a ultra secret organization that we have to get initiated into. Be a bit more patient and encouraging with newbies that are in no way being rude or condescending towards us. Does it really hurt to give a little gentle instruction? And if it’s been a long time and the person who once said something against our scene is now taking an initiative and making strides to be contributing members to our scene – let’s forgive and forget. Why are we hanging on to negative thoughts? Is it truly good for us to do that?

Remember we aren’t all perfect and we definitely aren’t strictly “Gothic” 24/7 no matter how much we claim we are -- seriously! Let us treat others with the same respect as we wish others to treat us as. Let us not be the asshole(s) that ruined it for us back in high school. We are better people than they are. It is truly wonderful to see people grow and become contributing members to the scene. I have been a member of the Orange County Goth Meetup group (located in Southern California) for many years now. I was welcomed into the group several years ago despite having “some of it wrong” in the beginning. In turn while attending Meetups regularly, I always made an effort to extend the same hospitality to others that I was given. I hope this has gotten you to think. Even if you may/may not disagree with me. ;)