Goth Boyfriend/Girlfriend Application (humor)

A Goth Couple at Whitby Goth Weekend.
Taken by Alan Johnson on June 9, 2007

Goth Boyfriend/Girlfriend Application
Originally written on May 10, 2007. Updated on March 12, 2014.

Basic Information

1. Your Name (Title optional):
2. Your Age in Mortal Years:
3. Height (Platforms not included):
4. Fave Color Other Than Black:
5. What's your sign?: 
6. Blood type?:
7. Phone Number:
8. Are you polyamorous?:
9. Hair color this month:
10. Favorite Fetish:
11. Favorite Club:
12. Hair style (or bald?):
13. Piercings/tattoos:
14. Safeword?:
15. Pagan (Yes/No).... (If Yes) Pantheon?:
    Left or Right Hand Path:

Here comes the fun!

1. Are we friends?:
2. Do you have a crush on me?:
3. Would you kiss me?:
4. Would you tie me up?:    Would you enjoy it?:
5. Would you let me spank you?:
6. Would you let me whip you?:
7. Would you ever ask me out?:
8. Would you go to a picnic in a cemetery with me?:
9. Would you go down on me in a movie theater or let me do the same to you?:
10. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?:
11. Would you make me your slave?:
12. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?:
13. Would you make passionate love to me in a coffin?:
14. Would you walk on the beach with me at 3am?:
15. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?:
16. Would you share my makeup with me?:
17. Would you wear my clothes?:
18. Do you like Christian Death, or Bauhaus -- How about Siouxsie?:
19. Or do you prefer Skinny Puppy, or Combichrist -- How about Wumpscut?:
20. Are you a Numanoid?:
21. Do you think I'm a good person or am I better as a naughty one?:
22. Do you think I look sexy in a corset?:
23. Do you think I look sexy in a deathhawk?:
24. Would you go to a ritual with me?:
25. Do you think I'm cute?:
26. Do you think I'm cute in fangs?:
27. If you could change anything about me - would you?:
28. Would you dance with me? Even if everyone dances alone?:
29. Would you come over to my place just to hang out?:
30. Would you stay at my place and watch vampire (or monster movies) all weekend?:
31. Who's the better poet: Lord Byron or Edgar Allan Poe?:
32. Do you like reading Tarot?: 
33. What's your opinion on magick?:

What Do You Think Of My?

1. Personality:
2. Eyes: 
3. Eyeliner:
4. Face:
5. Hair or lack of:
6. Fangs:
7. Chains:
8. Hearse:
9. Pet Snake/Tarantula:
10. Ankh:
11. Jack Skellington tattoo:
12. French, German or Japanese:
13. Flogger:

Would You?

1. Give me your phone number?:
2. Drive me somewhere?:
3. Hug me?:
4. Write or read me a poem?:
5. Let me blind-fold you?:
6. Do what I want you to do *when* I want you to do it; or else you'll have to get punished (and like it)?:
7. Watch a movie with me?:
8. Take me out to dinner?:
9. Watch me on a webcam while I'm taking a shower?:
10. Go with me to Bats Day or Convergence?:
11. Pour candle wax or rub ice all over my body?:
12. Drink absinthe with me?:
13. Sit and gaze at the moon and stars with me?:
14. Take me home to meet your family even if they couldn't tell us apart?:
15. Would you let me sleep in your bed after you untie me?:
16. Go to a haunted place with me?:
17. Share makeup or clothes with me?:
18. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?:
19. Drive me home from a club when my "friends" left without me?:
20. Take me for a ride in your hearse?:
21. Sing in a hearse with me?:

Do You...

1. Think I'm cute?:
2. Like my penciled eyebrows?:
3. Think my eyeliner is thick enough?:
4. Think I look better in blood-red or black lipstick? How about silver or even blue?:
5. Admire my pallor?:
6. Want to cuddle with me?:
7. Like my hair falls or Betty Page bangs?:
8. Like my dungeon decor?:
9. Like my corset?:
10. Think cybernetics is cool?:
11. Like my gas mask...how about goggles?:
12. Think I look good in anything made out of PVC?:
13. Like me in black velvet?:
14. Like my velvet cloak?:
15. Like my cobweb stockings?:
16. Like my pointy black boots?:

Am I...

1. Fun when I'm sober?:
2. Cute in electric tape?:
3. Cute in a naughty nun or nurse's outfit?:
4. Sarcastic enough for you?:
5. Goth enough?:
6. Intelligent enough for you to want to have a conversation with me?:
7. Interesting to talk to...even if I'm drunk?:

Have You Ever...

1. Thought there might be an "US"?:
2. Wished that you were Gomez and I was Morticia Adams? How about Jack and Sally? (vice versa):
3. Found yourself wanting to wear my boots? What about skirts?:
4. Wished I were there? Wished I were there taking photos of you au naturel?:
5. Thought about having a threesome with me?:

Goth For Dummies (Humor)

The following is only humor. Humor pokes fun at everybody especially exploiting the stereotypes. Please keep that in mind.

Goth for Dummies 

First written on Nov. 13th, 2006

1. Don't act like you are more Goth than anybody when *all* you listen to is Death Metal/Black Metal (or other Metal bands). You'll piss off the real Goths! Stick around and learn from others then *perhaps* you'll gain acceptance.

2. Don't act miserable or depressed all the time. Nobody likes a whiny bitch -- that's what Emo is for!

3. A dark mindset does not make you Goth. Neither does being an outcast. Sorry to break it to you, you are just an outcast who happens to have dark thoughts.

4. Goths are intelligent, so please do yourself a favor and learn how to spell. NE1 will think UR stoopid if u dont. 

5. Do make an effort to get into some real Goth music. It will help other Goths avoid going to the hospital because of a busted gut.

6. Do not under any circumstance criticize an Elder Goth as not being Goth enough. Ironically *you* are being the wannabe by trying too hard!

7. You haven't heard all the music out there that's in the scene. So do yourself a favor and avoid looking stupid as you try to tell a DJ that accepted Goth bands aren't Goth. 

8. If your face looks like a chicken walked all over it before you go out to a club, don't be surprised if people make fun of you behind your back. Better yet, avoid any photographers if you don't want to be on anyone's bad makeup list!

9. Do not under any circumstance call the guy standing next to you that is wearing eyeliner, nail polish and a mini-skirt a sissy. You'll be on the floor crying for your mommy before you know it.

10. Do not under any circumstance try to pass off your pendant as a pentacle. We all know that it came from HIM!

11. If you got it flaunt it! (Unless you are an 'A' cup).

Blogger Obscura: F@ck you very much...

Blogger Obscura: F@CK you very much...: Disgraceful! Not so long back, I advised you about being  published in Online Magazine 'Lhyme'  to promote a recipe for the Britis...